Do you ever feel like you ruin your own relationships out of boredom?

Many people think:

“I want a new relationship so badly!

Every time I get into one, it feels amazing. Everything’s fun, exciting, full of passion. I can’t get enough of them!

But then… it fades.

We get far too comfortable, there is no more mystery, the spark is gone. Every day feels the same.

Suddenly, I’m not interested anymore. I thought they were The One, but maybe they’re just… boring?

I want REAL love. I shouldn’t feel bored with my soulmate, right?”

Sound familiar?

Here’s the thing – sometimes relationships don’t end because of fights, cheating, or toxic behavior. They end because one or both partners get bored.

The relationship starts to feel dull, so they leave, jump into something new, get excited… and then get bored again!

Are you also one of those people?

It’s a shame they teach advanced maths in school but they don’t teach how to be happy in a love relationship.

But don’t despair.

You will get past relationship boredom if you know what causes it.

Do Other Couples Struggle With Boredom, or Is It Just Me?

First of all, let’s clear this up: relationship boredom happens in every long-term relationship. Even the most passionate, head-over-heels kind of relationships aren’t immune.

Once you settle down, there will be some degree of boredom.

Why?

Because it’s not really about you or your partner. It’s about your brain chemistry.

When you first fall for someone, your brain throws a chemical party. You’re flooded with dopamine (pleasure), norepinephrine (excitement), serotonin (obsessive crush thoughts), oxytocin (the bonding hormone), and endorphins (relaxation and happiness).

These chemicals make everything feel electric. You don’t even have to do anything special – just being around your new partner feels like the best thing in the world! (See why you develop crushes easily).

In the beginning, all you want to do is be with each other and talk sweet nothings.

But here’s the catch: these brain chemicals aren’t designed to last forever. Their main job is to get you into a relationship, not to stay in the relationship.

So, over time, the chemical cocktail fades.

That’s when the real work of being in a relationship begins. Staying happy together after the “honeymoon phase” takes more than just chemistry, it takes effort.

Why all relationships get boring in time

If you believe there is such a thing as “The One”, or one destined person for everybody, that you just need to find and live happily ever after, you will suffer from relationship dissatisfaction. (Spoiler: The One is a myth – read more about that here.)

The honeymoon phase is always meant to end.

Sometimes it lasts six months, sometimes a year, maybe even two. But eventually, it fades.

And there’s actually a good reason for that.

Your brain is wired this way on purpose. If you stayed in that euphoric, butterflies-all-day state forever, you wouldn’t get anything else done.

You’d have no desire to work, see friends, pursue hobbies, or even leave the house.

So when that initial high wears off, one of two things usually happens:

• You bond more deeply with your partner and settle into a steadier kind of love, or

• You get bored and decide the relationship isn’t working.

Now, boredom doesn’t come out of nowhere. It sneaks in faster if you two:

• don’t share many interests;
• already feel bored or dissatisfied with life in general (See how to change that);
• don’t have much going on outside of the relationship;
• never learned how to nurture a healthy, long-term partnership

That’s when the spark fizzles (and when people start mistaking normal phases of love for a sign they’re “with the wrong person”).

How to not get bored in a relationship

Boredom in relationships usually happens for two reasons:

1. a lack of novelty or
2. keeping things on a surface level

This means that you can get comfortable with your partner, without being bored, if you treat your relationship with the same care you’d give to other important parts of your life.

Here’s how:

Never take your partner for granted

Think of your relationship the same way you think of your body, your career, or your hobbies. If you don’t put in the work – training, learning, showing up, it falls apart.

The same goes for love. Keep making your partner feel special, carve out quality time, and don’t assume they’ll always “just be there”. Your relationship is like a plant – if you don’t water it, it withers.

Go deeper together

Your partner should be the person you’re closest to. If your conversations and interactions stay on the surface, you’ll eventually feel like roommates.

Real intimacy comes from sharing your fears, dreams, desires – the messy, vulnerable stuff. Once the initial excitement phase ends, depth is what keeps love alive.

Add variety

Anything repeated over and over, no matter how great, will eventually bore you. Same route to work? Boring. Same food every day? Boring. Even the most thrilling video game becomes dull if you never switch it up.

The same applies to your relationship. Try new places, new activities, new bedroom adventures, new projects – anything that shakes up routine.

Work toward a common goal

Why do people who work or study together end up dating so often? Because shared goals bond people!

Building a business together, renovating a house, training for a marathon – whatever it is, having something to strive for as a team brings you closer and keeps things fresh.

Fix your wrong believes about relationships

No partner is perfect. If yours is kind, reliable, supportive, generous, smart – the qualities you really value, don’t throw it away over minor flaws.

The “grass is greener” trap ruins a lot of good relationships. Oftentimes, the grass is only greener, cause its fake! Be honest with yourself: is it really about them, or about your perspective?

Make sure you’re happy with your own life

Many people mistake personal dissatisfaction for relationship dissatisfaction. If you’re bored with your job, your body, your social life, or your routine, you’ll project that boredom onto your partner.

Fix what’s missing in your own life first, and your relationship will improve as well. Are you chronically dissatisfied? Learn how to fix this here.

What if you do all these things and you’re still unhappy?

Sometimes, despite all effort, you realise that you and your partner don’t share enough common ground.

Your tastes, opinions and basic understanding of life might be very different.

And when that happens, it’s not about boredom anymore – it’s about incompatibility.

If you don’t enjoy the same things, you will find your partner boring while it’s just that you’re wired differently. Maybe:

• You love mystery and your partner enjoys action TV series;
• You love to go outside and your partner is a couch potato;
• Your partner is a foodie and you are a fitness maniac;
• You’re practical, they’re dreamy;
• You’re ambitious, they’re laid-back, etc.

While “opposites attract” can be true in the short run, in the long run you need something big that holds you together.

Otherwise you are losing time on a relationship that can’t work.

If you’re unhappy in a relationship but fear being alone, check out some useful resources:

How to be happy when you’re single

How to not let a breakup destroy you

How to never give up when life gets hard

How to avoid developing crushes

and many more.

Did this help?

TheThinkAbout is a website based on psychology in practice and experience.

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