Is your name Jen?
Jen was feeling lonely.
Her last serious relationship was years ago. She dreamed of finding a partner to spend time and do all kinds of interesting things with.
So she made a list:
“If I have a boyfriend, we’ll travel the world, try the best restaurants in town, cook, cuddle and watch movies together. Life will finally be bliss!”
Not too long after, Jen found exactly what she was looking for.
Her boyfriend was smart, funny and attractive. Everything she thought she wanted!
At first, it was perfect.
They traveled more in six months than she had in years. They went out to fancy places, stayed in with home-cooked meals and movie nights. Jen was thrilled.
Her life suddenly became so interesting!
…In the beginning.
But soon the excitement started wearing off. Jen started getting dissatisfied again.
Traveling felt exhausting, she was getting tired and bored with going to restaurants. The movies seemed dull.
Slowly, she started thinking: “Well, being in a relationship is kind of boring! Maybe I need something else.”
So she ended her relationship.
Maybe what she needed was more variety and social life? She started contacting former friends, meeting new people, socialising more at work.
In a week Jen booked more coffee dates, than in the whole past year.
But mysteriously, that also didn’t satisfy her. She thought most of the conversations with her friends were too shallow, and she got bored again.
”Maybe I need to find a new hobby!”, Jen thought.
She signed up for dance lessons. The rush lasted a week. The steps were so hard for someone like Jen with no previous experience. She quickly got frustrated and became unhappy, once again.
What was wrong with Jen?!
Jen wasn’t unlucky. She wasn’t cursed. Jen suffered from chronic dissatisfaction.
What Is Chronic Dissatisfaction?
Chronic dissatisfaction is when happiness never sticks. You might feel temporarily excited about something – a new relationship, hobby, trip, or social plan, but the satisfaction fades quickly, and you’re left restless and empty.
No matter what you do, something is always missing. You’re basically always bored.
It’s not about lacking money, health, or love. Some people have all of these and still feel that constant itch for “something more.”
Let me illustrate this a bit:
Imagine a kid, going with their mom to the amusement park.
They have fun all day – Ferris wheel, bumper cars, cotton candy, ride the rollercoaster. On the way home, the kid starts asking for a lollipop. “No, sweetie, we’re not getting that!”
The kid starts crying. The day is ruined.
What Causes Chronic Dissatisfaction?
Don’t brush off constant discontent. Left unaddressed, it can quietly ruin your life.
Here are some of the main reasons you might be feeling perpetually unhappy:
- Expectations: Having fixed expectations is almost never a good thing, as life is unpredictable and you can never be sure of the outcome. If you set excessively high or unrealistic expectations for yourself or others – disappointment is almost guaranteed. The higher and more rigid your standards, the more likely reality will fall short;
- Constant comparisons: If you constantly compare your achievements, possessions, or appearances, to those of other people, it can fuel dissatisfaction. That’s why you should never spend so much time on social media;
- Some areas of your life are unfulfilling: If your job, relationship, or personal pursuits lack meaning, passion, or growth, dissatisfaction will naturally follow. It’s a signal something in your life needs to change, not just be endured;
- You are very negative: If you automatically focus on the flaws of every situation, rather than the positives, you rob yourself of joy. This may lead to a distorted perception of reality;
- Lack of gratitude: If you don’t notice the good things that happen to you, how would you be able to enjoy them?;
- You are too dependant on external validation: If your sense of worth depends on approval from others, you’ll constantly chase reassurance instead of building inner confidence. Depending on others to fulfil your needs leaves you weak, powerless and unhappy, (See how to be independent in a relationship);
- Scarcity mindset: If you always believe you don’t have enough, you will be trapped in a cycle of lack. Even with money, love, or success, you’ll ALWAYS feel empty.
Well…It Looks Like I’m Dissatisfied With My Life. What Should I Do?
If you feel constantly annoyed, restless, or dissatisfied with life, you’re not alone. But there is a solution.
Here are two powerful steps to start with:
- Get clear on what you actually want
Most dissatisfaction comes from drifting aimlessly or chasing things that don’t really matter to you.
In my guide How to easily achieve your dreams, I explained why most people never achieve their dreams, along with a step-by-step guide on how to get there. The good news is that you don’t even have to have achieved your goals, to start feeling good.
Once you’re on the right track, your brain will stop giving you unpleasant feelings, and you will get rid of the feelings of dissatisfaction.
And the second thing you need to do, right now, is to:
- Let go of expectations and live in the present
Stop letting expectations ruin your experiences. Don’t live in the future, but embrace the present moment.
Why are kids happy and why do adults get more miserable as they age?
Because for kids, the present moment is all that exists.
Kids don’t spend time reminiscing about the past or daydreaming about the future. They’re just here!
As adults, we pile on expectations – of ourselves, of others, of how life “should” be. And when reality doesn’t match, dissatisfaction creeps in.
Here’s what to remember:
1. The future is uncertain
2. You have no right to expect anything from people.
Be kind to yourself and don’t beat yourself up over everything. Think “I am enough”, rather than “I am falling short.”
Expectations, from yourself, from other people, and from your experiences are illusions. Stay present, stop needing things from life and start enjoying what IS and whatever happens, happens. Enjoy what you already have. Let things unfold naturally.
Once you stop needing things, you’ll feel free, grounded, and you will become a happy person.
Want to know more?
See The psychology behind unfinished business
How to stop being bored in relationships
How screen time is ruining your mood
TheThinkAbout is a website based on psychology in practice and experience.
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