Not every ex is toxic

Sometimes, breakups are amicable.

Sometimes, you look back and feel grateful for the good times with your ex, someone who was a good, decent person, but for whatever reason…things just didn’t work out.

Maybe you grew apart, wanted different things, or external factors like long distance or school got in the way. But when you look back, you can genuinely say it was a good relationship.

And then… there’s your toxic ex.

If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Toxic relationships (and breakups) are another level of chaos.

Here’s why:

A normal breakup vs a breakup with a toxic person

So, in a healthy relationship, you usually see the breakup coming, right?

Maybe you start arguing more and more, stop going out together, or one (or both) of you becomes increasingly annoyed with the other. You might sleep in different beds, stop having sex, there’s this gradual fade where you can just feel the relationship has ran its course.

Even after the breakup, there’s usually some communication – talking things through, finding closure, exchanging personal stuff – both sides generally strive for some level of clarity.

And above all, ex-partners typically don’t go out of their way to make each other feel even worse – (unless, of course, something serious like cheating or abuse caused the breakup).

Relationships with narcissists almost always end abruptly.

You could have just gone on a dream vacation together days ago.

Maybe you had sex that same morning. Maybe they told you just last week that they loved you and that you were “their best relationship”.

And then, out of nowhere, they break up with you in the middle of an argument. Or you find out they were cheating.

Or they just straight-up tell you, “This isn’t working for me,” and leave.

And to make things worse, just days later, even after a long-term relationship, they’re already back on dating apps or entertaining someone new.

A breakup with a toxic person is like a TV show

Narcissists and any other toxic people usually don’t just end things with their partner and leave it like that. They don’t have clean breakups.

They don’t do introspection after a breakup, they don’t work on themselves and accept responsibility, hence they don’t learn from their failed relationships.

What they do instead, is jump straight to the next thing- partying, drinking, random hookups, dating apps, and, very often, recycling their exes.

It’s not uncommon for a narcissist to resume contact with someone they dated in the past, while dating someone new.

So, if you find out your narcissistic ex is suddenly talking to the same ex they badmouthed badly during your relationship, don’t be surprised!

They do that.

They go back and forth between people, using them for self-gratification, doing whatever serves them in the moment.

And chances are, at some point, they’ll either reach out to you again or try to make your life miserable in some way. Narcissists, and toxic people in general, thrive on creating chaos in others’ lives. It validates their existence.

Here’s what you can expect after a breakup with a narcissistic or a toxic person:

They will completely ignore you right after the breakup. They’ll feel free to do whatever they want – partying, hooking up, texting multiple people, following tons of new accounts on social media. Basically, they’ll dive headfirst into anything wild and new, shedding the responsibilities of a committed relationship.
They will badmouth you – if you’ve dealt with narcissistic people, you would know that basically all their exes were crazy, needy, annoying and abusive. Nothing is ever their fault and they always end to be a victim. Even if your ex told you that you were “their best relationship”, know their after the breakup, you would also be labelled “crazy”, “irrational”, “unhinged”, etc.
They will brag about their life– They will do things you often asked them for when you were together, things they never did, and make sure you see it. They need you to regret the breakup. Maybe you always wanted them to buy a certain sofa, and now, post-breakup, they finally get it and flaunt it. They will basically try to project that their life is better than yours and certainly that their life is better without you in it.
They will try to make you jealous. A toxic person might flood social media with excessive posts about their new relationship, subtly (or not so subtly) implying their new partner is better than you. Or, if you’ve unfollowed them, they might start making vague, public posts clearly aimed at you- boasting about how great their life is now.
They will secretly stalk you, and eventually reach out (but not for the reason you think). When a narcissist reaches out after a breakup, it is not because they love you. It’s because they want to punish you! Narcissists don’t bond with people, so they don’t miss intimacy or connection- because those were never what they sought in a relationship in the first place. Then why would they bother reaching out? And the real reason is validation. A toxic person’s motivation is only to feed their ego.

Do toxic people really move on and forget their exes?

Short answer, no, they don’t.

Long answer – I want you to understand something.

As long as your ex feels like they took everything they could from the relationship and broke your heart, soul, and self-esteem, they’ll move on with ease.

Why?

Because it boosts their sense of importance. The idea that they were so uniquely special and unforgettable that they left a mark on you- a mark that no one managed to before.

Given this, yes, in a way, toxic people move on from their exes.

But only when they feel they left those exes permanently broken and destroyed.

That’s when they feel satisfied enough to let go.

My question is,
“Would you give them the satisfaction?”

I can tell you exactly how to live your best life after a breakup with a toxic person- how to heal, move on, and never let them bother you again.

And as a bonus?

You will not waste a single drop of your time, focus, or energy on them.

Is cutting off a toxic person a toxic behaviour?

No, if the person is smart, they know what they did.

Toxic people are usually self-aware, they just choose to keep acting badly.

So, you may as well shut them out, without warning. Unfair perhaps, but not toxic.

What do toxic people want from their exes?

If you’ve ever had a toxic ex who kept reaching out, then disappearing… playing mind games, posting vague things online to get your attention, asking mutual friends about you, or even stalking you while dating someone new, you’ve probably wondered:

What do they really want?

Do they miss you? Do they regret the breakup? Do they secretly think you were “the one that got away”?

Hate to break it to you, but… no.

When a toxic ex reaches out, it’s about none of those things.

It’s about control.

The only thing a toxic person wants is to reassure themselves that they still have power over you.

That they still have you right where they want you – crying for them, suffering, unable to move on, not dating, waiting for them to come back.

That’s exactly why toxic exes suddenly reappear – sending breadcrumbs of attention, maybe even asking to meet up. And when you agree? They disappear.

They got what they wanted: validation. Proof that you’re not over them, that you’re not moving on, and that you’re not living the happy, fulfilling life you could be. (Which, by the way, is a toxic person’s greatest fear.)

And here’s the thing, toxic people are delusional.

If they see you publicly thriving, they’ll do all kinds of mental gymnastics to convince themselves you’re just pretending to be happy… just to make them feel bad.

Why? Because that’s exactly what they would do.

Just let me remind you of something:

You owe your toxic ex nothing.

How to treat a toxic ex like they don’t exist

1. Absolute silence

No Contact – not just blocking, but behaving like they’re truly erased from existence.
No Indirect Contact – No checking their socials, no mentioning them to mutuals, no asking about them.
No Emotional Response – If they ever reach out (even in the far future), your best reaction is to not react at all. No anger, no sadness, just… nothing. Don’t pick up the phone, delete their messages without opening.

Why it works – They thrive on knowing they still have an effect on you. Your silence makes them question everything.

2. Your social life

Social media

Even if you don’t feel great all the time, never post depressing photos, stories and vague quotes related to the breakup.
If you’re not friends with the toxic ex on social media, don’t make your posts public. Post for you, not for them. Keep your post-breakup life private.

Mutual Friends?

If you have mutuals, never ask about your ex. If they mention them? Give a shrug and change the topic.
If they ever try to paint you as the “crazy ex,” your complete emotional detachment will make them look like the bitter one.

Why it works – They expects you to be hung up, stalking, reminiscing, struggling. Instead, you appear indifferent and better off.

3. Work on yourself and improve your life

Upgrade Your Life – not for them, for you. Start something new that excites you- fitness, style, career, social circle.
Romance? Keep It Private. Even if you meet someone, don’t make it about “replacing them.” Just let it progress naturally.
Financial growth – The same.

The “Mystery Factor”

If mutuals bring up your love life, respond with: “Oh, I’m having fun, nothing serious. But I wouldn’t talk about that even if I was.”

Why it works – They want to believe they were irreplaceable. Your quiet confidence and lack of needing validation will prove they’re not.

Why is indifference the best remedy

Toxic people live for validation, whether positive or negative. If you’re angry, sad, or still thinking about them, they know they still matter to you. The moment you become indifferent, that changes.

Toxic people thrive on power and control in relationships. Even post-breakup, they want to feel like they can pull you back whenever they decide.

And unfortunately, when you do this, you’re not just keeping yourself stuck — you’re keeping them stuck too.

Every time you text, check their stories, or “accidentally” like something, you reopen the wound for both of you.

As long as you keep engaging with a toxic ex, you’re basically signing up for emotional Groundhog Day. Nothing changes, nothing heals, you just keep reliving the same pain.

And that’s how people lose months, even years of their lives, waiting for a different ending to the same story.

Indifference means: “You have no control over me anymore.”

And you? You’re already free.

If you are going through a tough breakup – I have the perfect read for you. Get the How to get over anyone in 30 days book and start healing today!

Need to read more?

How to heal from narcissistic abuse

16 manipulation tactics people use on you and how to unmask them

Signs your ex boyfriend was a narcissist

How to read people easily

How to not reveal your thoughts

Why some people talk down to you

How to not let a breakup destroy you

How to leave a TOXIC relationship

When does a man stop appreciating a woman?

TheThinkAbout is a website based on psychology in practice and experience.

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