When you finally decide to “get your life together”

Let me share a bit of my story with you.

Not too long ago, I hit a really low point in my life.

I was working harder than ever, trying to make progress in different areas, but no matter what I did, it felt like I was getting nowhere.

Here’s a little glimpse into what my life looked like at the time:

I had picked up binge smoking and drinking. My health wasn’t perfect. And when it came to my personal projects? Let’s just say I wasn’t putting in the effort I should have been.

In short, nothing in my life was where I wanted it to be. My goals and dreams felt frustratingly out of reach.

To top it off, I had just gone through a painful breakup.

It hurt-a lot. But having been through this before, I knew I had to handle it in the best way possible. (If you’re in the middle of a tough breakup and struggling to move forward, I’ve put together a guide on how to survive and heal from heartbreak. Check it out-it might just help you get through this.)

I’ll be honest with you-what really forced me to take a hard look at my life and finally get it together was that breakup.

It was just so brutal that I had no choice but to make a change.

The pain was unbearable, and I knew if I didn’t do something, I’d be stuck in it forever. So, I decided to use that breakup pain as fuel-as the push I needed to turn my life around.

I went all in. Quitting smoking, fitness, dieting, work, courses, side projects-you name it, I was doing it.

My logic at the time?

Since my relationship had fallen apart, (along with all the dreams, plans, and efforts I had for the future), I needed something in my life to work.

But here’s what shocked me: after two or three months of giving it my all, nothing was really working the way it was supposed to.

The results were either tiny or completely nonexistent

Honestly, quitting smoking didn’t make me feel as great as I thought it would. If anything, I missed that dopamine kick from nicotine.

On top of that, I was completely drained from pushing myself so hard at the gym-I had to scale back my workouts just to function.

My side projects?

Barely making any progress.

I was taking art classes, but despite spending endless hours on them, the results just weren’t satisfying. And my business? Struggling. No matter how much I tweaked my strategy, the sales just weren’t coming in.

I was totally stuck in life and didn’t know what was I doing wrong, so I wasn’t getting the outcome I was supposed to.

If you’re feeling stuck in life – you’re not alone.

When we’re going through a rough phase, we often triple our efforts at self-improvement—throwing ourselves into anything that might help us move forward.

But when the results don’t show up right away, the disappointment hits even harder.

What No One Tells You About Self-Growth

What no one tells you about self-growth is that it can take a lot longer than you think to see any real results.

You can pour in endless effort, time, and energy – only to feel like you’re getting nothing in return. And that? That’s where burnout sneaks in.

You’re working so hard… and nothing’s happening.

That’s the most painful part, isn’t it?

You’re not sitting around waiting for life to magically improve, you’re actually doing the work. You’re showing up, making sacrifices, pushing forward… and somehow, it still feels like nothing’s paying off.

That’s what makes it so brutal. It’s like the universe isn’t holding up its end of the deal.

The Land of “In Between”

If you feel like everything you do is pointless right now – I hear you. I really, really do.

When you finally decide to get your life together after drifting for a while, you’ll find yourself in this strange, exhausting place I call “The In-Between.”

It’s that awkward phase where you’ve already let go of old habits, routines, and even people that weren’t serving you… but the new, better version of your life hasn’t fully taken shape yet.

The things you’re working so hard on haven’t paid off – yet.

But that doesn’t mean they won’t.

And here’s what I want to challenge: the idea that “nothing’s changing.”

When nothing I did seemed to make a difference, I reminded myself that quitting smoking was a huge win for my body, even if I couldn’t see it yet. Ending a relationship that wasn’t working took courage, even if it still hurt.

I was building something — piece by piece — even if the world hadn’t caught up to my progress yet.

So… Why Is Nothing Working?

Here’s the deal: results don’t follow a straight timeline.

We expect life to go like this:
→ Work hard → See progress → Feel good → Keep going

But in reality, it’s usually more like:
→ Work hard → Nothing happens → Still nothing → Frustration → Doubt → Sudden breakthrough when you least expect it

The hard truth? Most people quit in the “more nothing” phase.

Not because they’re weak – but because it’s excruciating to keep pushing when you see zero return. Like seriously… where’s your damn reward?

Here’s what I’ve learned about success: it’s rarely immediate. It’s messy, unpredictable, and it almost always shows up way later than you think it should.

But maybe, just maybe, you’re measuring the wrong “wins.”

If you’re a perfectionist, you might define success as big results – money, recognition, progress, thriving relationships.

But what if you measured it differently?

Instead of “Did my product sell?” → “Did I create something meaningful?”
Instead of “Did I find love?” → “Did I show up as the kind of person I want to be in relationships?”
Instead of “Did I quit smoking and feel amazing?” → “Did I prove to myself that I could take control of my habits?”

Maybe you are progressing — you’re just not seeing it in the way you expected.

Life Isn’t Always Fair (And That Sucks, But It’s Not the End)

Here’s the part no one likes to admit:

Sometimes, life just kicks your ass for no reason.

Some people find success fast. Others take decades.
Some relationships fall apart no matter how much effort you put in.
Some things should be easier – but they’re just not.

But unfair doesn’t mean hopeless.

Just because life hasn’t rewarded you yet doesn’t mean it never will.

The people who eventually succeed aren’t always the lucky ones — they’re the ones who held on long enough for things to finally click.

So hang in there. Keep going. The story’s not over.

(And if you need a dose of motivation, check out the Failure to Success section — it’s full of stories that’ll remind you why you shouldn’t give up.)

You Might Feel Miserable Because of Too Much Self-Improvement

Trying too hard to improve yourself, especially when you’re already struggling, can actually make things worse.

Sounds counterintuitive, right? Because everything you’re doing is supposed to help.

But self-improvement shouldn’t feel like self-punishment.

Why Self-Development Might Be Making You Miserable

You’re Treating Yourself Like a Project, Not a Person

When you’re constantly pushing to be “better,” you might start feeling like you’re never enough as you are.

You don’t stop to feel proud of what you’ve already done — you’re too busy chasing the next milestone. That endless striving? It’s exhausting.

Too Many Changes at Once Can Overload Your Brain

If you’ve quit smoking (huge win), started a diet (another big shift), and thrown yourself into five new things – the gym, classes, a side project, maybe a YouTube channel or blog, that’s a lot.

Even positive changes demand energy. Your brain might just be burned out.

No Dopamine = No Reward

Dopamine is your brain’s “reward” chemical. If you’re struggling with anhedonia, you might be doing everything right but not feeling the payoff. That makes progress feel empty and pointless.

Perfectionism & Pressure Kill Enjoyment

If your mindset is, “I must do this right” instead of “Let’s see where this takes me,” self-improvement stops being exciting and starts feeling like a job.
When everything feels like work, nothing feels good.

So… What’s the Solution?

Take a break. Seriously.

Drop a few projects. Take a couple of days (or weeks) to breathe. Step away from the constant “fixing.”

If you need ideas, check out the articles on what to do when you feel overwhelmed and what to do when nothing’s working out.

And hey, I get it. You probably hate the idea of taking a break because it feels like quitting.

But here’s the truth: rest isn’t quitting. It’s recharging.

You might be stuck in a cycle that looks like this:

You take on multiple tough self-improvement projects.
You push yourself hard but don’t feel any real emotional payoff.
You start feeling drained and miserable.
If you stop, you feel like you’ve failed.
If you keep going, you just feel worse.

See the trap? There’s no winning outcome — either way, you end up feeling bad.

Here’s What to Do If You’re Stuck in Life (Despite All Your Efforts)

What if, instead of pushing harder, you tried being kinder to yourself?
Instead of saying, “If I stop, I’m a failure,” what if you said:
“I can work hard and still enjoy my life.”

Maybe you’re already doing so much.
Maybe the missing piece isn’t more effort, it’s more self-compassion.

If you’re doing everything “right” but still feel stuck, remember this:
You’re already winning. You just can’t see it yet.

If You’re Rebuilding After a Breakup or Divorce

When a relationship ends, it’s not just about losing a person, it’s about losing the future you were building together. That’s huge.

So now, your brain is clinging to everything else – work, fitness, hobbies, courses, diets, new projects, because you need something to work.
You need to feel like something is still in your control.

You might be thinking:

“If I couldn’t keep my relationship together, I have to be perfect elsewhere.”
“If I don’t succeed 100%, nothing in my life is working.”
“I can’t handle another failure.”

But here’s the truth: right now, you’re in survival mode. It makes sense that you’d overcompensate, but perfection isn’t control.
It’s just a way of punishing yourself for something that was never fully in your hands.

Because let’s be real:

The relationship failing? That wasn’t 100% on you. Relationships are two-person efforts. And sometimes, no matter how much you give, they just don’t work.
You don’t have to rebuild your life overnight. You’re allowed to be in a phase where you’re still figuring things out.

If you feel “stuck” despite your efforts, you’re not actually stuck, you’re rebuilding. And that takes time.
You’re already doing better than you think.

Read more related articles:

”I’m doing everything RIGHT and I see no results!”

How to stay motivated no matter what

Why some people succeed and others don’t

Does your life feel boring? See how to make it more exciting

How to stop feeling powerless

How to stick to a daily routine if you have anxiety

How to kill your toxic ego that’s destroying your life

TheThinkAbout is a website based on psychology in practice and experience.

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