Is the world out to get you?

It’s a tough truth, but not everyone in life has good intentions.

Some people believe that if they’re honest and treat others with respect, they’ll get the same in return. Maybe they even hope for a kind gesture, once or twice in this lifetime. So, they assume others put in the same effort.

But then reality hits.

Their kindness goes unnoticed. No “thank you.” No appreciation. Maybe they get talked down to or taken advantage of.

At first, it’s just a small disappointment. They brush it off, thinking, “Maybe it was just a mistake. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt! They’ll be there for me when I need it.”

Then, when the moment comes… BOOM. Nothing but excuses.

Maybe their friend, relative, or partner is “too busy,” “short on money,” or “doesn’t know anyone who can help.” And sure, those things happen. But what really stings? When they don’t even try.

Think of that person who never remembers to wish you a “Happy birthday”.

The one who never invites you over?

Never picks you up?

Never helps you move – even though you’ve done all those things for them?

And no, you weren’t kind just to get a favour in return. You did it because it was the right thing to do. But at some point, you have to ask yourself: Is this person really my friend?

Signs your “friend” or partner might be using you

We all feel bad when we realise we’re being taken advantage of.

We blame ourselves for being stupid or lack boundaries. But the truth is that some people are just wired to exploit situations.

They look for free stuff, discounts, and favors – always pushing, always taking. They ask for favours a bit too often and proudly hold their pushy behaviour like a whip over your head.

A healthy relationship, whether friendship or otherwise, is built on mutual support. But when it becomes one-sided?

You’re dealing with a user.

You shouldn’t really take it personally with such people. They are who they are.

Here’s how to spot one:

They basically ask you to do something for them every time you meet: – “Can you find me a plumber?”, “Can you help me with this contract?”, “Can you buy me a coffee?”, “Can you lend me $5?” It’s so predictable, you could save their number as “Can You?”.
They feel entitled of your time – they call or text you at inappropriate hours, dismiss it if you tell them you’re busy, OR you want to sleep OR you can’t go out, OR you can’t talk right now. They basically violate any boundaries you set.
They feel entitled of your money-they expect you to buy them stuff, ask you to cover them because they “forgot their wallet” or “are a bit short of money right now”; order for them because they “forgot their login details” or you go shopping and they forget to give you any money.
They use you as an emotional garbage bin and talk extensively about themselves– if you are a good listener, you are a magnet for dramatic and self-absorbed people who need someone to listens about their life 24/7. If you know someone like that, you’ve probably noticed that they rarely ask about you. They almost never listen to you and change the topic back to themselves.
Something just feels “off” about them– you will notice when you’re dealing with a user, that conversations feel shallow. They know they’re pushy, but their mantra is: “You miss 100 of the shots you didn’t take.” So why be bothered if you brush them off? Users label people who cut their advances as “sharp” and people who give them what they want as “dumb”.
They make plans…but never follow through.– They cancel last minute, forget to call back, and ditch you if a better offer comes up.
they’re jealous of you and don’t even hide it– Do you have this “friend” who only likes to feel above you? They don’t mind comforting you when you’re down, but the moment you succeed? The energy shifts. Instead of celebrating, they make snide comments. My colleague openly complained, “Why did they give you the bigger portion at the restaurant? It should have been me!”

So…what can you do? The easiest option – cut them off. Walk away, don’t engage, and remove them from your life.

But life isn’t always that black and white.

People are neither angels nor demons

We all have flaws.

Even good friends can be negative, flaky, boring or act like they’re plain idiots at times (to the point that you start questioning yourself whether they even have a brain). If you cut off everyone who disappoints you, you’ll eventually find yourself alone, and bitter.

Instead, try a different approach.

First of all, realise it’s not always about you.

Don’t feel bad that you are “too soft”, so it’s an invitation for other people to take advantage.

The way people treat you isn’t a reflection of you, it’s a reflection of them.

Forgetting to lock your door doesn’t justify someone robbing you, right? Your struggle to set boundaries, is not an invitation for someone to break those boundaries. Let’s be rational.

Second of all, treat people like people, not monsters.

Everybody’s inherently selfish to some extent. Some more than others. But selfishness is just a trait and we shouldn’t demonise people for it.

Some people genuinely don’t realize how their behavior affects others.

How to handle “users” and not let them drain you?

The way to handle users is to just not let them too close. And if it’s a family member, just don’t be too available.

Draw boundaries

If someone constantly asks for favors, it’s okay to say no, even if it’s easy for you to help. Don’t feel obligated to overextend yourself.

Tell them you can’t help them and just go on with your day. If you feel somebody asks for things they can do themselves, just politely decline. This way you won’t feel resentful later that people leech on your time and energy.

Don’t go above and beyond

Don’t give people unsolicited help and advice. Else, you would always feel they’re being ungrateful.

For example, say someone asks for a good dentist recommendation. You give them a number, but they can’t get an appointment.

If you go out of your way to squeeze them into yours, don’t get upset if they don’t say “thank you.” They never asked for that level of help.

Think of them as an “acquaintance”, rather than a “friend”

If someone shows a pattern of taking more than they give, stop seeing them as a friend. Instead, think of them as an acquaintance. You don’t need to like them or approve their actions. You don’t even have to engage much.

You wouldn’t be bitter toward coworkers you dislike, right? Apply the same logic here. You don’t have to love or hate them, you just have to manage your expectations.

“People, people, why should I care so much about understanding people?”

It’s easy to judge others, but what does that really accomplish?

It just makes you negative. And people don’t respond well to criticism. Understanding someone’s motives, on the other hand, helps you make better choices. It saves you frustration and makes life easier.

Are other people on your nerves? Here are some similar topics you might get interested in:

How to read people like a book

Scientific method to tell if someone’s lying to you

How to not reveal your thoughts

What are the secrets that make some people charismatic

Why some people succeed and others don’t

16 manipulation tactics people use on you

TheThinkAbout is a website based on psychology in practice and experience.

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