“My ex dumped me and I want them back!”

The scenario of every other breakup.

Sounds familiar?

If you’re heartbroken and desperate to win your ex back, you’re probably searching for every piece of advice out there on how to re-attract them.

Maybe you already begged your ex to reconsider, apologised for your “wrongs”, professed your feelings and called, texted, even went to their place… And that didn’t work.

So, as a last resort, you decided to play your final card: the infamous No Contact Rule-the one breakup coaches swear by.

You crossed your fingers and hoped for the best.

You cut your ex off and, for the first time in a while, felt a sense of power.

You blocked them on social media, deleted their number, wiped your chat history, and swore you wouldn’t reach out. “That’ll show them what it’s like to lose me!“, you thought.

Maybe now, they’ll realize what they had.

But then… days turn into weeks. Weeks turn into months.

Still, nothing.

No unexpected calls from a hidden number. No heartfelt emails. No surprise visits, begging for a second chance. It’s like they’ve completely moved on—as if you never even existed.

And now, you’re left wondering:

Does the No Contact Rule actually work?

Many dumped ones go silent, thinking their ex will suddenly wake up, realize they miss them, and come running back within days.

But the harsh truth? That doesn’t always happen.

How the Dumper’s Life “Transforms” After the Breakup

Let’s get one thing straight: dumpers don’t usually miss their exes right after a breakup.

In fact, they often feel relieved-finally free to enjoy life on their own terms.

They go out, date new people, and do whatever it takes to avoid being reminded of their past relationship. And if the person they dumped reaches out during this phase? They might be shocked to see their ex (seemingly) thriving without them.

The dumper’s behavior can feel completely out of character.

They might start partying, dating around, changing their appearance, or suddenly doing things they never had time for during the relationship-like traveling to exotic destinations, even if their ex had always wanted to go with them.

That same ex who was once too busy for quality time?

Now, they suddenly seem to have all the time in the world! Almost as if they were just waiting to break up so they could finally start living.

They might jump on Tinder just days after the breakup. Or worse-start dating someone new and flaunt it all over social media.

If this sounds familiar, don’t panic.

This kind of behavior is incredibly common. But before you start spiraling, let’s clear something up:

What you’re seeing is not the full picture.

Your ex’s life didn’t magically transform overnight.

True happiness and inner peace don’t happen instantly-they require time, introspection, and real work. No one just “wakes up” emotionally healed after a breakup.

It takes a certain period of alone time after a breakup for a person to evaluate what went wrong in the relationship and to learn the necessary lessons.

So if your ex was selfish, negative, or immature during your relationship, trust that they haven’t suddenly become a whole new person. Change takes effort, and jumping into distractions isn’t the same as working on oneself.

If your ex is going WILD right after the breakup, it simply means they are not working on themselves.

They will probably repeat their mistakes with the next person that comes along and it is just a matter of time before they run out of fuel.

In reality, they’re just in the elation stage– that initial high of post-breakup freedom. This is not the time when they’ll be thinking about reaching out to you.

If you’ve gone No Contact for (X) amount of days, hoping they’ll come running back in a few weeks, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment.

And when weeks go by with no sign of them, you may start doubting if No Contact even works.

But here’s the truth: No Contact always works-whether you can see the results or not.

How No contact works for you

Walking away from someone who rejected you isn’t just the best response-it’s the only right one. Read that again.

It’s a human instinct to want to hold on to someone you love, even after they’ve chosen to walk away. We’re wired to seek connection and preserve relationships-it’s part of our survival instincts.

However, unless the breakup was caused by your unforgivable behaviour (e.g. you cheated, abused them or severely neglected them), you should not try to reason with your ex.

Emotions are not your best friends when you are the dumped one.

Your emotions would tell you to chase an ex who left you or chose someone over you, while cold logic would tell you to respect their decision and walk away.

Your logic would tell you that you gain nothing from trying to keep someone who was ready to live their life without you.

Why would you beg or plead for such person to stay-as a partner, a lover, or even a friend?

If they chose to leave, the healthiest and most self-respecting thing you can do is let them.

It is the biggest form of self-respect that you can give yourself, though it’s not the most intuitive thing to do.

Going No contact means:

• No calling, texting, or reaching out in any form.;
• No “accidentally” running into them at familiar places;
• No asking mutual friends about them-or trying to “squeeze” them in a conversation;
• No checking their social media, hoping for clues about their life;
• No posting cryptic messages or “glow-up” pictures just to get their attention;
• No keeping reminders-unfriend them, delete the chats, erase the photos, and remove anything that keeps you stuck in the past.

Why No Contact Is So Hard (But So Necessary)

The reason you struggle to let go, even when you know it’s the right thing to do, is simple: you’re still emotionally attached.

And that’s exactly what No Contact is meant to fix.

No Contact is not a trick to manipulate your ex into coming back.

It’s about detaching from them, healing your pain, and reclaiming your sense of self.

So if your ex hasn’t reached out and you’re thinking, “This isn’t working…”—look at what actually happens the longer you stay in No Contact:

• Your feelings for them start to fade and you become more and more indifferent about whether they’ll return.
• You slowly start rebuilding your interest towards your hobbies, going out with friends and doing things with new people.
• You don’t follow your ex’s post-breakup life which means no additional sadness or self-torture.
• Your ex starts to let go of any negative feelings they had for you.
• Your ex feels less and less empowered. When they left, they felt in control. But when you didn’t beg for them back, they started questioning their worth.
• Your ex starts to get curious to what you’re up to and how you’re doing without them.
• Your ex starts remembering the good things about your relationship.
• Your ex realises you haven’t contacted them and, for the first time, feel a genuine fear of losing you forever.
• Your ex’s new dates don’t work out and they get hurt. They start to reminisce about the good times they had with you.

Above all – No contact makes your ex experience life without you.

When they broke up with you, they thought it was what they wanted.

But No Contact is the only chance for them to actually find out.

And you need to let them have it.

They’ll either realize the breakup was the right choice and move on (which means they were never meant for you in the first place)…

Or they’ll recognize they made a mistake-and come back.

Either way, you win.

An ex who left should come back on their own.

And when they do? It’ll be your choice whether to take them back or not.

If you ever feel down because they haven’t reached out, remind yourself of this: Unless your ex has amnesia, they haven’t completely forgotten you.

You shared a relationship. You were once a part of their life. Of course, they’ll think about you from time to time.

But missing you isn’t enough for a relationship to work.

For a relationship to work again, your ex needs to want you back. They need to actively try to win you over and make up for the damage they caused by leaving.

And that? That’s completely out of your control.

Until and unless that happens, let them go. Assume they’re never coming back.

Here’s the truth: No Contact is your way out of misery.

It guarantees one of two things:

1. You heal and move on.
2. Your ex comes back.

If your ex truly loves you, they will return. But by the time they do, you might not even want them anymore. And that’s not something you need to worry about right now.

You don’t miss them because they were “the One” or your soulmate. You miss them due to your separation anxiety.

So if you ever catch yourself wondering, “Does No Contact actually work?”-remind yourself that you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by sticking to it.

And if there’s even the smallest chance your ex will come back?

It’ll only happen when they start to truly miss you.

“But my ex blocked me everywhere!”

So, your ex blocked you on everything?

Before you start panicking, take a deep breath-this isn’t as devastating as it might feel.

There are plenty of reasons why an ex would block you, and most of them have more to do with their own emotions than with you. Right now, they’re acting out of frustration, anger, or hurt. But emotions fade, and when they do, there’s a good chance they’ll unblock you- as long as you don’t try to get around the block and force contact.

While we’re on the subject, you might also want to check out this article:: (What to do if your ex blocks you).

Your ex may block you online, but they can’t block you in their mind.

Blocking you on social media doesn’t erase the past. It doesn’t switch off emotions like a light.

It takes time to truly let go of feelings for an ex-whether those feelings are positive or negative. Even if your relationship was short, your ex may still think about you for a while.

And if you were together for years? It could take them a full year or more to completely move on or be available for someone new.

Yes, even if they jumped into a new relationship right away.

Unless your ex was narcissistic, chances are they’re in a rebound relationship-one built on novelty and validation rather than deep emotional connection. These kinds of relationships tend to fizzle out once the excitement wears off.

And if your ex was a true narcissist, consider the breakup their biggest gift to you.

What Should You Do?

Absolutely nothing.

Don’t try to reach out. Don’t try to “accidentally” bump into them. No Contact is your only move from here.

If this breakup has hit you hard, you can also check out How to get over anyone in 30 days. It’s a practical guide designed to help you heal and move on faster.

What’s your No contact experience?

Share your thoughts in the comments below!

See also:

How to react if your ex reaches out

How to stop the urge to text your ex

Attract your ex back with this strategy

How to fix your anxious attachment style and more.

TheThinkAbout is a website based on psychology in practice and experience.

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