I regret breaking up with my ex. What should I do?

Breakups suck—sometimes even more for the person who ends the relationship.

If that’s you, you already know: sometimes breaking up doesn’t feel like a choice. It feels like something you had to do—even if you were the one who walked away.

No matter how sure you were at the time, you might now be thinking:
“Did I do the right thing?”

And if you were the one who got dumped?
Know this: dumpers often regret it more than you think.
Some question their decision within hours. Others take months or even years to realize they miss their ex and want them back.

Loneliness, lack of better options, and the loss of comfort or familiarity can all push someone to reach out to their ex and ask for another chance.

But that doesn’t always mean it’s the right thing to do.

When Regret Kicks In After a Breakup

Of course, there are situations where someone makes a harsh decision in anger and later realizes they acted impulsively.

They might reach out, admit their mistake, patch things up—and maybe even build a better relationship moving forward.

But real problems arise when the breakup was a well-thought-out decision, and you still feel full of doubt.

If you were unhappy for a while, tried to make things work, voiced your concerns, and your partner refused to listen or change… then honestly?
You have no objective reason to regret leaving!

If you ended things rationally, something (fundamental) likely wasn’t working. Maybe:

• Your ex didn’t treat you right

• The relationship was toxic

• You lost yourself trying to keep it alive

Regretting the breakup in these cases is dangerous.

It can trap you in a never-ending loop of breaking up and making up—until your self-esteem is gone, and you barely recognize yourself.

In this article, we’ll check the most common reasons why people start regretting the end of a relationship.

Why do people start regretting a breakup

You might think it’s because they still love their ex—but often, that’s not really it.

Most regret stems from within, not from anything the ex actually did.

Here are the most common reasons:

• They remember only the good times, forgetting the bad;
• They are emotionally clingy;
• Their life outside the relationship wasn’t fulfilling;
• They have low self-esteem and don’t trust their own choices;
• They feel lonely and can’t find a replacement;
• They miss the perks of being in a relationship

The two biggest reasons people dwell on past relationships

Breakups can turn your world upside down.

People lose sleep, neglect their health, and develop issues like trust problems, social anxiety, or even turn to alcohol or drugs—all while stuck on someone who’s already moved on.

Some spend years obsessing over an ex. They stalk their social media, panic at the idea of them dating someone new, and convince themselves:
“They were the One.”

In short, people can’t move on when:

1. They think their ex is irreplaceable (or “the One” myth)
2. Think the relationship had unfinished business (a.k.a. they have unfinished business with their ex)

If you tell yourself your ex was the One or that you could’ve fixed things, it’s nearly impossible to open yourself up to someone new—even if that person might actually be better for you.

The good news?
Once you realize “the One” is a myth, your entire love life will change!

You can take the first step detaching from an ex right now, by reading the article here.

Unfinished Business = Unfinished Healing

Still stuck on your ex? Ask yourself:

• Did you believe the relationship could be fixed?
• Did you think you and your ex shared the same long-term goals?
• Do you regret how you treated them?
• Do you still believe it could’ve worked?

If the answer is yes to any of those, you’ve got unfinished business.

And that’s the real reason you feel stuck.

How to “finish” your unfinished business with your ex

I want you to consider something.

• What if you gave your partner more than you received?

• What if you exhausted every opportunity to make the relationship work and it still didn’t work?

• What if your ex promised you to change and they never did and you realised they never would?

Would staying in that relationship have made your life better—or just more miserable?

When emotions cloud your thinking, come back to logic. And your rationality may tell you that you, in fact, did everything you could, and the relationship still didn’t work.

If you did everything you could and it still failed, then the regret?
It’s misplaced.
Let it go.

Dumpers vs. Dumped: Why Regret Feels Different

If you were dumped, you probably feel regret because it wasn’t your decision.

You might blame yourself, thinking:
“If only I’d done this… or said that…”

But that mindset is dangerous—especially if you didn’t actually do anything to destroy the relationship.

If You Were the Dumped One…

Some people sabotage their relationship on purpose, hoping their partner will end it. These “fake dumped” individuals do this to avoid responsibility—and avoid feeling doubt or guilt.

If you were truly dumped, here’s what you need to hear:

You should never regret someone leaving you—unless you betrayed their trust (e.g., cheating, abuse, or completely taking them for granted).

If that’s your case:

• Apologize sincerely
• Respect their choice
• Learn from it
• Don’t repeat it

Otherwise, forgive yourself.

Understand that if you made mistakes, so did your ex. The difference?
You stayed. They left.
They broke the promise to never give up on each other.

Living with regret is unproductive and self-sabotaging. Don’t waste time regretting someone who walked away.
The right person wouldn’t leave—they’d stay and work through it with you.

If You Were the Dumper…

Dumpers carry a different kind of burden:
Responsibility.

You made the decision. You have to live with it.

But the brain is tricky—it forgets the bad and romanticizes the good.

One month, two months, six months later…
You might miss the closeness, the routine, the way your ex made you feel seen.

Especially if you’re still single.
Especially if you’re lonely.

Separation anxiety after a breakup can make a person crave their ex’s presence, even when their logic might tell them their ex wasn’t good and the breakup was the right decision.

That’s when regret creeps in.

But here’s what to do instead:

Ask yourself:

• Did I feel truly loved and respected?
• Were we able to communicate through issues?
• Did they meet me halfway with compromise?
• Were they there when I needed them most?

If the answers are mostly NO, then your regret is simply nostalgia, not love.
Let it go.

But if you honestly answer yes to all, and still miss them deeply?
Reach out. Try again. (See: How to Get Another Chance with Your Ex.)

If they’re not open to it, respect that.
Do the hard thing: close the chapter. Move forward.

How to Avoid Regret in Future Relationships

Want to avoid this kind of pain again?

Be the best partner you can possibly be:

• Treat them how you want to be treated
• Stay emotionally available
• Listen. Invest. Show up.
• Work on the relationship daily

It’s easy to start something.
It takes real work to maintain it.

But if you gave it your all and it still didn’t work?
You’ll walk away with peace, not regret.

In my book How to get over anyone in 30 days, I explain why some people can’t get over their exes for years and prolong their pain and sadness, until they sink in full blown depression.

If you need to emotionally detach from someone who’s no longer good for you, maybe you should check it.

It has helped hundreds of people find hope after heartbreak.

Regret is a sneaky emotion.
It delays healing.
It keeps you stuck.

If you want clarity and peace, take action.
You’ll feel better in weeks, not years.

Give your all. And if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work.

This is the only way of never regretting a breakup again.

Want to read more?

See What to do if your ex blocks you on everything

How to respond when an ex wants you back

How to not let a breakup destroy you

What makes a man stop appreciating a woman and many more.

TheThinkAbout is a website based on real experience and practical psychology.

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