We all have days when everything looks gloomy

“I’m 36. I don’t have a boyfriend right now, and by the time I find the right one and we get serious, it might be too late for me to have kids.

I don’t really have opportunities to grow in my career, since I’ve been working in administration for quite some time.

I don’t go out much, and most of my friends already have families and kids. I feel too old to make new friends. My life feels so empty.

I never imagined it would be like this. I feel like such a failure.”

Jane’s story might sound familiar to you in some way, since you’ve reached this article.

Whether you’re 25, 35, 45, or 75+, you might have arrived at a point where nothing in your life seems to be working. Different things could make you feel this way.

Maybe you still live with your parents. Or maybe you’re all alone with no place to stay. Perhaps you’ve been laid off from your job, or you’re struggling with health problems.

All of this can make life feel pretty pointless at times.

You might find yourself searching for someone to tell you exactly what you did wrong to end up at such a dead end. You may even wish you could go back in time and replay everything, as if life were a Super Mario game.

And it doesn’t help that everyone else seems to have figured out their lives.

You may have friends complaining about the wrong color of the sofa they ordered for their new apartment—while your rent was just raised. You may see friends posting about family vacations—while your own relationship just fell apart.

You open Instagram and it feels like everyone’s life is better than yours.

Maybe you’ve even tried sharing these feelings of inadequacy with those close to you, only to hear the advice: “Stop complaining and being so negative!”

I know how you feel

Life can feel very confusing sometimes—like failing a math exam and suddenly believing you’re the dumbest kid in class.

But here’s a small consolation: you’re not the only one who feels this way.

People make choices all the time, and often don’t realize those choices have led to unwanted outcomes until it’s too late.

But it is what it is.

Don’t beat yourself up over what could have been, should have been, or must have been. Life doesn’t come with instructions. And while much of your life is in your hands, a big part of it also comes down to luck—whether things turn out right or not.

So, in moments when nothing seems to go right and everything you do feels wrong, I want you to remember three things:

1) Your feelings are perfectly valid;

2) Desperation is a perception

3) No matter how stuck you feel, you can change your circumstances

Here’s what can help you pick yourself up when you’re fed up with life

When you get tired of trying and nothing works out the way you planned, you may start to feel indifferent to everything:

• What’s the point in dating when everyone disappoints you?
• What’s the point in sticking to a diet when you don’t see real results?
• What’s the point in being there for your friends when nobody understands you in return?
• What’s the point in working on your relationship when your partner doesn’t even want to listen?
• What’s the point in applying for new jobs when no one ever contacts you?
• What’s the point in taking courses when you feel too old to start an internship?
• What’s the point in dressing up or going to the gym when nobody really cares?

If you’ve reached the stage where you feel numb to everything around you, here’s what can lift you out of that depressive pit (as it’s proven to do):

“It is what it is”

Take a break and leave everything as it is for now.

Your rent just went up? Whatever. Too many expenses piling up? They’ll get paid eventually. Your relationship falling apart? Let it.

Accept life as it is—even if it sucks right now

Maybe there’s something you can do about it, maybe there isn’t. But it won’t always be this way. The scenery will change. At the moment, you may not have the vision or energy to see how exactly that change will come, so allow things to be for now.

Groom yourself and don’t let go

Even if nothing seems to be working in your life, the least you can do is look your best.

Yes, it may sound superficial, but this is the time to put extra effort into your health, appearance, and well-being. Even if life isn’t going the way you wanted, at least you still have you—and you won’t give up on that.

And even if you feel miserable, at least you won’t look miserable.

Take a page from Scarlett O’Hara in her darkest days: stand up, get dressed, and tell yourself, “I won’t think about this today.”

Get physically active

Go jogging, go swimming, hit the gym—just do anything that gets your blood flowing and stops you from sinking into lethargy.

Take long walks, wander mindlessly through town. Do anything but sit at home staring at a screen.

Take a shower, get a haircut, buy new clothes

Even on a tight budget, you can do these things! Check out a second-hand shop—you might be surprised at the stylish pieces you can find for almost no money.

Eat plenty of vegetables and fish, and avoid alcohol and cigarettes. I promise this will energize your body and shift your energy enough that circumstances in your life will slowly start to change—like a dirty fog lifting from the streets.

Even if you do nothing else but take better care of yourself, your life will begin to improve, even if you can’t see it yet.

Start with one simple step: be physically active for at least an hour every day.

Drink water, take your vitamins, eat healthy, and stay away from alcohol and smoking. You’ll notice how much proper nutrition and self-care can change your energy levels—and even your outlook on life.

Understand that there’s always a Plan B

There’s a reason clichés exist – it’s because people have lived through them and found truth in them. You know the one: “Behind every closed door, there is an opportunity”.

So what if you don’t get the exact thing you want? Maybe you’ll get something similar – or even better! It doesn’t mean your life is over.

Jane sat watching raindrops sliding down the glass and thought to herself:

“So basically, I’m a woman over 35 and my relationship isn’t working.

And my doctor just told me that if I don’t have kids within the next year, my chances don’t look very good. I feel like I’m running out of options.

What should I do?

Stay with someone who makes me miserable just because he might be my last chance at a family? Or choose peace, even if it means giving up that dream?

What are the chances I’ll meet the right person quickly? And what if it doesn’t work out with him either? What if I freeze my eggs, but later find out they’re no good? What if I adopt, but my child grows up and leaves to be with their biological parents?

So what if I die alone?”

But then she realized – having kids was never a guarantee they’d take care of you when you’re old!

“So what if I never have them? It is what it is. I can still live a good life.

There are so many things to enjoy, and freedom has its own gifts. I can travel, I can meet people, I can be free.

I won’t carry the constant burden of worrying about someone else. There are far worse things in life.”

If you apply Jane’s thinking to the things that weigh you down right now, you’ll notice something: nothing in life is worth worrying except death and terminal illness.

Didn’t build an amazing career? So what.

Plenty of people did, only to burn out, get depressed, and walk away from everything they thought they wanted – just to finally do something that made them feel alive again.

Can’t afford your own place? So what. Renting means you’re not drowning in debt, and you’ve got the freedom to move whenever you want.

Make a list of everything that isn’t working in your life, and after each one, tell yourself: “So what?”

Because here’s the truth: nobody’s life is perfect. And you’d be surprised at the skeletons other people hide in their closets.

Once you’re ready, motivate yourself again

When you finally realize it’s not the end of the world if your life hasn’t gone exactly as planned, that’s your chance to shift gears.

Ask yourself: What would actually make me happy right now? And then – go for it!

Don’t overthink it, just start.

If you need some structure, check the detailed guide on where to start with conquering your goals and dreams.

And remember – your life journey isn’t a straight line. It twists, it dips, it throws you off track. There will be moments when it feels like absolutely nothing is working.

But the sun does rise again. And there will be days when you feel genuine happiness, peace, and hope.

So have faith. Don’t give up on yourself. Keep doing the right things, even if they feel small. The rest will come in its own time.

Want to read more?

See Why you suddenly get depressed for no reason

Why you should reduce your screen time

How to program your mind on a subconscious level

How to never give up when life gets hard

TheThinkAbout is a website based on psychology in practice and experience.

Like the articles? Subscribe to never miss anything. 

Your contribution matters! If you find this website helpful, please support our work. Thank you for visiting!