Why Hollywood Gets It Wrong

You’ve probably seen this scenario play out a million times.

A man becomes interested in a woman.

He starts chasing her – asking her out, calling, texting, wanting to talk all the time. He compliments her endlessly, buys her flowers, and practically worships the ground she walks on.

To him, she’s the smartest, most beautiful woman in the world, and he can’t believe his luck!

They get into a relationship, and at first, both are over the moon. He’s thrilled he managed to “win” the perfect woman. She’s delighted to be treated like a queen.

But here’s the thing: this perfect situation rarely lasts.

Because unconditional love – the kind Hollywood loves to sell us – is actually very rare. In real life, there’s almost always one partner who gives a little more, invests a little deeper, or carries more of the emotional weight.

And while relationships are about give and take…

In almost every relationship, there’s usually one who gives more and another who tends to take more.

Now, “giving” can look different depending on the situation.

It could be practical things, like driving your partner to work, ironing their clothes, or covering all the bills. Or it could be emotional giving – listening to their problems, always being available, or constantly agreeing to do the things they enjoy.

The problem is, when the roles of “giver” and “taker” become too lopsided, things often go wrong.

That’s how good guys end up with unappreciative girlfriends, and how kind, loving women sometimes find themselves dating men who take advantage – or worse, become abusive.

In this article, I will focus on what happens when the person over-investing in the relationship is the woman.

First of all… what does it mean to “over-invest” in a relationship?

Over-investing happens when one partner keeps giving far more than the other – while receiving little, or sometimes nothing, in return.

For a healthy relationship, both partners should put in effort.

It doesn’t mean you need to weigh every single act of care on a scale.

But if you’re constantly going the extra mile and your effort isn’t even recognized – let alone appreciated – that’s a red flag. In those moments, instead of doing more, it’s actually wiser to take a step back.

Let me give you an example.

Jen and Steven had an anniversary.

Steven wasn’t the romantic type, but Jen wanted to make the day special.

She woke him up with coffee and wished him a “Happy anniversary”.

Steven had a busy workday ahead, so Jen prepared brunch for him and tiptoed around, making sure not to disturb him.

She went shopping by herself, so they could have a nice dinner when Steven finished work.

Steven was very much frustrated at his work. He asked Jen if she could go back to the store and pick up some beer? “Sure”, said Jen.

When she returned, instead of saying thank you, he asked if she’d thought to grab cigarettes too?

When she said no, Steven sighed in annoyance and went straight back to work.

Jen brushed it off and got started on their “anniversary dinner” – stuffed peppers, one of Steven’s favorite dishes that he’d once asked her to cook. She even bought all the different kinds of meat he liked, thinking it would make the night extra special.

The only thing left was for Steven to bake the meat.

He did – but not before complaining about how much time it would take and why Jen had bought so much!

What Steven failed to notice was that Jen bought all the different kinds of meat he liked. He proceeded cooking with an angry face.

It was 11 PM when they started dinner.

Neither of them was in the mood to celebrate anymore.

They ate in silence. Jen went to bed without a word.

Happy anniversary.

How a man’s mentality can shift when a woman over-invests in the relationship

What a total dickhead Steven is, huh?

But here’s the bigger point: when the courtship phase is over, a lot of men relax.

They forget all the effort they poured into winning the woman over.

In their mind, they’ve “won the prize.” So what’s the motivation to keep courting her?

The truth is, to keep a relationship alive, men have to keep showing appreciation, effort, and love – not just at the beginning, but throughout.

What many don’t realize is that when they choose the lazy route, the relationship suffers… and often ends.

Neglect can look like this:

• not complimenting her,
• ignoring her feelings,
• dismissing her gestures,
• failing to return affection,
• or even complaining that she’s not doing enough – when in reality, she’s already doing too much!

Now, here’s the trap.

If a woman doesn’t push back on the disrespect – if she shrugs it off, or worse, doubles her effort to “prove her worth” – the dynamic shifts.

The man’s mentality changes.

The woman he once put on a pedestal slowly becomes, in his eyes, a “low-quality” woman. Why?

Because she’s showing that she’ll accept poor treatment without requiring better.

If she tolerates neglect, if she rewards bad behavior with more effort and more affection, the message becomes clear: he doesn’t need to treat her well to keep her around. In fact, the less he appreciates her, the more she gives!

That’s the exact moment he stops appreciating her:

• She doesn’t confront neglect or disrespect.
• She does too much for him without expecting reciprocity.
• She rewards bad behavior with extra care and affection.
• She becomes needy for his time and attention, instead of expecting balanced love.

How to Make Your Partner Appreciate You More

First things first: you can’t force anyone to feel or do something if they don’t already want to.

If a man is unappreciative, that’s his issue to work on – you are not responsible for fixing his behavior.

What you can do, as a woman, is start respecting yourself more.

Here’s what doesn’t work when you feel mistreated by your partner:

• blaming him or
• going silent as a way to punish him

As soon as you point a finger, the natural response is defensiveness. He’ll either argue or throw the blame back at you. And then you’re stuck in a cycle of arguments that lead nowhere.

Silence might feel like a way to punish him, but honestly….eh. It’s immature and counterproductive.

Instead of fixing anything, it often makes the other person feel guilty and resentful – like you’re trying to hurt them by withholding communication.

So, what does work if your partner has started taking you for granted?

1. Set an example. Treat them the way you’d like to be treated. Show the standard;
2. Encourage good behavior. Notice the little things they do and acknowledge them. Appreciation invites more appreciation;
3. Tell them – once – you want them to do XYZ;
4. Take a step back if you’re giving and not getting much in return;
5. Walk away from the relatIonship if nothing changes.

What Could Jen Have Done?

To save herself some disappointment, Jen could have communicated her expectations upfront.

(Many men simply aren’t as naturally romantic or sentimental as women often are.)

She could have told Steven ahead of time that she wanted to celebrate their anniversary in a special way.

She could have asked him to take part in preparing dinner, and despite his busy schedule, they could have agreed on a set time to sit down together and celebrate.

However, if despite all Jen’s efforts, Steven was still acting like their relationship was of no priority by :

• getting annoyed at her for every little thing,
• refusing to do anything in return (like flowers or gifts);
• not giving her affection

then Jen should stop justifying his bad behavior!

Instead, she should pull back. Stop bending over backward to make him feel loved and cared for. Start focusing that energy on herself.

She should then take a hard look at the situation and ask herself: “Is Steven really the right partner for me?”

Because if nothing changes… it’s only a matter of time before the truth becomes undeniable.

Why Some Men Treat Good Women Poorly and Cherish Women Who Treat Them Badly

Ever wonder why some men chase after women who are aloof and barely acknowledge them – while neglecting the women who adore them and make them feel like the center of the universe?

The answer is simple: those aloof women focus on themselves!

Most women naturally prioritize themselves – until they fall in love. That’s when many make the mistake of putting the man above their own needs. And that’s exactly when problems start.

Let’s observe a woman, before she gets interested in a man.

She stays rooted in her own likes, dislikes, and standards. If a man wants her attention, he knows he has to rise to meet those standards.

Even then, there are no guarantees – she may not choose him or stick around! And men know this. In fact, it’s often the uncertainty – the knowledge that they don’t “own” her 100% – that keeps them on their best behavior.

For a woman who is focused on herself, it makes little difference whether one particular man is chasing her or not.

There are plenty of other men out there – and plenty of other interesting things in life to focus on besides obsessing over one guy!

If he wants her, he’ll work for her. If not, why give him a second thought?

Now let’s observe a woman when she falls in love.

Once a woman falls in love, she often forgets this mindset.

She clings to her partner as though he’s the last man on earth. She tolerates neglect, excuses rude behavior, and forgives too easily, until he believes she’ll never leave, no matter how he treats her.

And really – why would he put in more effort, if he knows she’ll stay anyway?

The Recipe for Not Allowing Bad Behavior

There are several reasons women put up with disrespect in relationships. The good news? Each one has a remedy.

1. Learn how to properly react

Many women, being more sensitive, respond emotionally to disrespect – through pouting, tears, or criticism.

Later, they regret their reaction, apologize, and unintentionally take on responsibility for the conflict. That only reinforces his belief that he did nothing wrong.

If you have this problem, you might benefit from knowing how to be more emotionally cold. By reacting with composure, you won’t have to apologize later. This can give your partner to correct his wrong behaviour.

2. Get comfortable receiving

If giving comes naturally to you, you might unintentionally block your partner from giving back.

This can make him feel useless or unneeded. Over time, he may stop trying altogether, because he knows his efforts won’t matter anyway.

Let him meet you halfway.(See some ways how to be less invested in a relationship.)

3. Overcome co-dependancy

One of the strongest reasons women stay in toxic dynamics is co-dependency.

Many people become unhealthily attached to their partners, which makes it extremely difficult to leave, even if the relationship becomes toxic or dysfunctional.

If you learn how to be emotionally independant, you’ll be able to recognize when a relationship isn’t serving you, and walk away without regret.

Do you feel unappreciated by your boyfriend?

If your ex just left you and you are devastated, here’s one book that helped a lot of people: How to get over anyone in 30 days.

It’s practical, straightforward, and can really speed up the recovery process.

You might also want to check:

How to be assertive in your relationships

The secrets of charismatic people

How to stop dwarfing yourself and idolizing other people

TheThinkAbout is a website based on psychology in practice and experience.

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