Have you ever been called a Grinch?

Ah, Christmas.

In theory, it’s the season of joy, peace, love, generosity, twinkling lights, and mugs of hot punch by the fire.

A time for thoughtful gifts, jolly spirit, and family-carols-by-the-fireplace straight out of a Dickens novel.

But let’s be real. Unfortunately, for some Grinches (are you one of them?), holidays can be hell.

Instead, they come with stress, pressure, awkward family gatherings, endless shopping, and the nagging feeling that you should be happier than you are.

If you catch yourself cringing over the upcoming holidays, because every year you promise yourself: “This time I’ll enjoy Christmas!” (but deep down you know you won’t), then this is the perfect article for you!

Holidays and Expectations

As with most things in life, what makes the holidays stressful isn’t Christmas itself, it’s the expectations.

We imagine picture-perfect days full of joy, laughter, and cozy moments…

But expecting your Christmas day to be perfect, leads to disapointment, since reality is unpredictable. What often happens is: the more you want something, the more of the opposite you get.

Here are some common expectations people set for Christmas:

• The “Christmas” atmosphere – to have a pretty Christmas tree and cosy decoration – glowing lights, a crackling fireplace, and a home that smells like freshly baked cookies;
• Quality family and friend time – hilarious stories, warm hugs, and catching up with everyone you haven’t seen in a while;
• The perfect gifts – choosing just the right present for each person and unwrapping exactly what you’ve been hoping for!
• Total relaxation – finally disconnecting from work and stress to recharge and enjoy some peace and quiet;
• Indulging in holiday meals and threats – eating and drinking guilt-free because, hey, if not at Christmas, when?
• Fun activities – ice skating, sledding, snowball fights, board games, or even just a casual movie marathon with friends.

Then Why Do Some People Hate the Holidays?

Not everyone gets excited when December rolls around.

For some, the holidays are less about joy and more about stress, dread, or even sadness. Generally, there are three big reasons behind it:

The first is negative associations.

If something unpleasant happened to you around Christmas – say a loved one passed away, you got divorced, or you have bad childhood experiences, it makes sense that you resent the end of December.

For example:

• Growing up in a family that couldn’t afford gifts.

• Dealing with divorced parents and the pressure to “choose” where to spend Christmas.

• Or simply having a rough chapter of life tied to December.

Memories stick, and they can turn Christmas lights into unwanted reminders.

The second reason people hate Christmas is loneliness.

Christmas is marketed as the “time for family,” so if you’re not close to your family, are single, have no kids, you’re going to feel lonelier than usual.

While everyone else seems wrapped up in festive chaos, you might feel left out, which only deepens the loneliness.

And the last reason you may hate the Christmas holidays is because you may be a control freak.

What does this even mean?

For some people, the holidays are a stress bomb because they hate unpredictability.

Control freaks want to know in advance how everything will happen and to influence the chain of events and peoples’ attitudes.

Obsession with control often comes if:

• you are a perfectionist;
• you suffer from anxiety;
• are predominantly introverted, or
• you just have a high preference for order.

The problem is, Christmas holidays (and any holidays) are the times you have least control over anything.

It’s full of people everywhere, shops are crazy busy, you can’t decide what gifts to buy or they’re out of stock, traffic jams, you have to travel to visit family and probably spend days in a house that isn’t yours.

You have to get out of your comfortable zone and everybody has their own mood swings you have to deal with.

You also have to navigate uncomfortable conversations at dinner table.

Think of defending all your life choices in front of the extended family:

“So when are you getting married?”
“Still at that job?”
“What happened with your last relationship?”

Isn’t that enough to make anyone crazy?

As the French psychologist Jean-Paul Sartre once said: “Hell is other people”. This hits deeper during Christmas holidays.

How to Ease Your Anxiety During the Holidays

Christmas can be so exhausting that you sometimes need a holiday after the holidays.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. With a few smart strategies, you can avoid stress and celebrate in a way you’d like.

Do Your Shopping Early

If you’re exchanging gifts, don’t wait until the last frantic week before Christmas. The shops are full of stressed out people and you’ll likely overspend or buy something totally useless.

Use the first weekend of December to buy gifts and another weekend to wrap everything and you’ll have one less thing hanging over your head.

Or Don’t Buy Gifts

Christmas is about generosity and not about buying a bunch of useless stuff that would likely be thrown in the garbage.

Above all Christmas is about giving.

There are many people unlucky to not even have a hot meal for Christmas.

Subconsciously, some people feel guilty if they have more than enough food to eat, a family and friends to share with, and a lot of presents.

Sometimes the more you own, the more depressed you feel.

If you want, talk with your family and agree to only buy small things (like socks or chocolates) and donate the rest of the money to people who actually need it. Trust me, you’ll feel lighter.

If You Travel, Leave Very Early

When so many people are travelling during holidays, roads are full of traffic jams.

If you’re driving, set your alarm for 4 or 5 a.m. Yes, it’s brutal, but it beats being stuck in traffic for hours.

Plus, you’ll thank yourself later while sipping cocoa on the couch instead of sitting in a jam watching brake lights.

Get Enough Sleep

No work? Perfect time to catch up on rest.

Try Not To Overeat With Heavy Meals And Drink Too Much

Hangovers, headaches, and stomachaches are not exactly the “holiday magic” you signed up for.

Choose Fun Over Perfection

If you expect guests for the holidays, don’t try to handle everything by yourself like cleaning the whole house, decorating, baking cookies, preparing 3,627832 meals, etc.

Involve everyone.

Kids love decorating and nobody cares if the house isn’t perfect.

Regardless if you are the host or the one visiting – don’t let one person deal with all the cooking – if the extended family gets together, make it a “bring a dish gathering”.

Instead of obsessing over perfection, think of fun family activities like board games, crafts, cards, snowfights, or just laughing together.

If You’re Spending Christmas Alone

Rule #1 if you If you celebrate Christmas alone: don’t torture yourself with cheesy movies where everyone finds their soulmate on Christmas Eve, while the whole family sings Christmas carrols by the fire.

You’ll just end up self-pitying.

There are creative ways to spend time around people.

So many volunteering events want you to join around the holidays. Think of :

• Volunteer at a soup kitchen or food giveaway;
• Deliver meals to those in need;
• Help out at a charity event or concert;
• Give gifts to kids from foster homes etc.

And you never know what kind of amazing people you will meet there.

Enjoy the Holidays the Way You Feel Like It

At the end of the day, you’re allowed to spend Christmas your way – so let go of expectations and pleasing everybody.

There is no “right way” to celebrate Christmas. So use this time to slow down and relax.

If your family pushes you into doing things because it is expected, it’s okay to join in, but it’s equally okay to carve out time for yourself.

Are you excited about the upcoming holidays? Or do they stress you out?

Share your coping strategies in the comments – you never know who might need them :).

Related reads if you’re struggling with anxiety:

How video games may greatly reduce anxiety

The anti-anxiety food list that your brain needs

How to stick to a routine when you are anxious

How to fix anxious attachment style in relationships

TheThinkAbout is a website based on psychology in practice and experience.

Like the articles? Subscribe to never miss anything. 

Your contribution matters! If you find this website helpful, please support our work. Thank you for visiting!