A real-life “love story”
A year ago, my friend Susan met a guy – let’s call him Brent.
She fell head over heels for him.
Brent was charming, sweet and showered her with attention. They had a great time together…for about six weeks.
Then one day, without warning, the guy disappeared.
No, he didn’t went missing – Susan got ghosted.
She tried reaching out many times, and he responded only once:
“I just don’t think we’re a good match.”
That was it.
Susan got very confused. Just a day ago, the guy was acting like he was about to marry her! For months and months, she obsessed over what exactly went wrong.
Was it something she did? Did he have an ex he wasn’t over? Was he gay?
She never found the answers to her questions.
Eventually, she saw on Facebook that Brent had moved away. It took Susan a whole year to recover from this “breakup.”
But if you think this story ends here, you’re very wrong.
One summer night, Susan was out with friends at the beach when a message popped up on her screen:
“Hey, how are you?”
Umm….what?!
She hadn’t heard a word from this guy in a year.
Brent poured his heart out. He apologized for leaving Susan in such a disrespectful manner. He continued sweet talking her that he just didn’t know what happened with him, that he got scared, but eventually realised Susan was a one of a kind woman!
And he couldn’t forgive himself for losing her.
At first, Susan was skeptical. But Brent was so persistent, she slowly started softening up.
“Let’s meet at the beach and spend this weekend together! I can’t wait to see you again! I’m so excited! Omg, why can’t I just get you out of my head!?”, Brent kept blabbering.
Eventually, Susan’s bruised ego and the lack of closure, got the best of her. She agreed.
“I’m just gonna find out what he’s on to. There’s no harm in that…”
They met a few days later. Brent went all out – he drove over 1000 miles to pick her up, took her to the nicest spots by the seaside, acted like the perfect gentleman and even tied her shoelaces for her.
“Am I in heaven?”, Susan wondered.
They spent the weekend together. Susan never felt such excitement before. It felt magical.
After making plans to see each other next Friday, Brent drove her to the airport. He gave her the most passionate kiss.
The next morning, Susan texted him: ”Good morning babe, how are you today?”
Nothing happened in the first hour. And the second. And the next day.
That’s right, Susan got ghosted again.
Couples Break Up and Make Up All the Time
I’m sure, there are not so many people as naive as my friend Susan, but the story may sound familiar to some of you.
Have you ever taken an ex back after they apologized, begged, and promised to change, only to break up again months, weeks or even days later?
People break up and make up more often than you know.
But the percentage of those who stay together and live happily ever after is not so big. Do you know why this happens?
Because most people get back together for the wrong reasons.
Someone once said: “Doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results is the definition of insanity.” This guy was Albert Einstein.
So the big question now is – what should you do if your ex suddenly reaches out and says they want you back?
Don’t Get Back With Your Ex Without Talking About the Breakup
A very important one.
Do you know what most couples do when they reunite? Absolutely nothing. They don’t feel comfortable to re-experience the negative emotions that came with the breakup, so they prefer to act like the breakup never happened.
They sweep the pain, the arguments, and the reasons for the breakup under the rug.
At first, it feels easier that way. No negativity, just a blissful “honeymoon” all over again.
But trust me, that’s the fastest road back to the same old problems. And after all, you want to start a “new” relationship with your ex.
Regardless if you are the dumper or the dumped one, if your ex reaches out and wants you back, you must first discuss why the breakup happened.
Was it that someone was unappreciative? Was there cheating? Or one of you was a commitment – phobic? What happened so they realised they wanted back?
And then, do these problems still exist and are they even solveable?
Beware of the Wrong Reasons to Get Back Together
Not every breakup is a mistake.
Sometimes couples split for completely valid reasons, such as personality clashes that simply can’t be overcome. But then they become so stressed out due to separation anxiety that they think they can’t live without each other.
They start missing the comfort, the routine, and the connection. So they reunite.
Look, if your relationship made you unhappy, missing your ex doesn’t mean you should get back together.
It just means you connected with another person and you miss that connection when they’re gone.
But if nothing has really changed – if the drinking problem is still there, if the distance is still unbearable, if the incompatibility can’t be overcome, then getting back together isn’t a second chance, it’s just going back to the same suffering.
You will regret it pretty soon, but next time the breakup will hurt even more.
How to Know If It’s Worth Giving Your Relationship a Second Chance
There are people who say: “An ex is an ex for a reason” and there are other people who say: “Old flames die hard”.
But which one is true? Is it even worthy getting back together with an ex?
The truth is, it is completely possible to go through a bad breakup and get back with an ex, and the relationship to be better than the first time.
Yes, a breakup is a breakup for a reason.
But the internet is full of stories of exes who reconnected, sometimes years later, and got happily married in the end.
And on the other hand, there are these other couples who reconcile but fizzle out in a few messy months.
So what makes the difference?
Here is the secret: the couples who succeed, take their time to investigate what exactly went wrong in the relationship.
They don’t just slip back into old habits. They do the hard work first. There are a few things they realize:
- They value the relationship
- They value their partner
- Their past behaviour affected negatively the relationship
- They want to change
- They want a healthy relationship
Those people make the conscious effort to never repeat their old mistakes again for the sake of being happy with their partner.
Here are some real change examples:
- they decide to never again take their partner for granted,
- they move in together and leave the bachelor life behind,
- they start therapy and quit their bad habits,
- they stop flirting with other people, etc.
The other, (unsuccessful) couples?
They spend some weeks or months apart, and when they get lonely or realise the grass isn’t greener on the other side, go running back to their ex.
Such people usually get back together for all the wrong reasons.
They either can’t be alone, or realise their current life is much worse than what it used to be with their ex. Their main motivation is to get back the lost comfort and validation, not to learn and grow.
They don’t analyse what broke their relationship, and even if they do, they are too lazy to change anything. But without reflection or real change, history just repeats itself.
It’s no wonder that the “new – old” relationship ends quickly, since it shouldn’t have started in the first place.
So, before saying yes to your ex, ask yourself two valid questions:
- Why did we break up?
- Will the relationship be different the second time around?
What Susan Should Have Done
Looking back at my poor friend Susan, there’s one big thing she could have done differently when Brent contacted her: talk first, trust later.
Instead, she jumped right back in bed with him, with no explanations, no clarity and no boundaries.
She didn’t get a reason why Brent broke up with her.
All she got was vague excuse that “he got scared of commitment”.
If Susan took the time to examine Brent’s motives for leaving her and coming back, she would have realised that he was just a player.
The truth is, if Brent was serious that he was wrong to leave Susan, he would be consistently showing her he realised his mistake. But she didn’t give him the benefit of the doubt.
She watched his words, while she should have observed his behaviour instead.
Put your ex on “probation” before you give them a second chance
If you and your ex already had the talk and and decided you actually want to work on the relationship, don’t hand them your heart on day one.
Put them on probation.
Don’t be quick to jump in bed or emotionally invest in them.
Watch if their actions match their words. If they’re serious, they’ll prove it with consistency. (And the same applies to you as well, since you probably made some mistakes too). It’s not about one weekend of love-bombing, it’s about steady effort over time.
And if you’re the dumped one? That thrill of having them want you again can make you want to dive back in before they “change their mind.” Remember – you are not in a rush. If it’s real, it will last.
So take it slow and steady.
Your second-time-relationship will have different dynamic.
And this is how it should be, if getting back was truly for the better. It will feel more mature, more grounded, and more intentional than ever.
Need more relationship and breakup advice?
Get the detailed step-by-step guide on How to get over your ex in just 30 days.
Also check our detailed breakup section.
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