We’re All Detectives

Everybody loves a little mystery.

We all love escape rooms, solving puzzles, binging crime series or waiting for the last page to to see who the murderer is.

People thrive on mystery and hate predictability. Predictable is boring.

The unknown sparks our curiosity. It pulls us in because there’s something to investigate, something to figure out.

The brain loves a puzzle because it challenges it to think.

How do you feel when you finally solve a complex task? Euphoric?

That’s the reward centre of your brain flooding you with feel-good hormones. We desire mystery.

When there is information out there we don’t have, we’re hungry to seek answers and feel satisfied and powerful.

Your mind immediately starts buzzing: “How can I use this?” “How would this new piece of information serve me?” “How can I get leverage with this knowledge?”

The thirst for knowledge always drove humanity. And the mystery of the unknown keeps that thirst alive.

Why We Love Mysterious People?

You know you’re attracted to mysterious people. But why?

People who withhold information draw us in for a very simple reason.

Power.

The need for power is one of the most basic human needs. By mastering the unknown, we demonstrate superiority and mysterious people embody that unknown. For the same reasons, we are mesmerised by them.

Being around them feels intoxicating, like solving a riddle that keeps unfolding.
It prevents the relationship from getting dull.

We like people who keep us on our toes, because the brain hates blind spots. When we sense a gap in information, our imagination goss wild to fill it in.

Have you ever obsessed over someone who was an open book?

My guess is not. We idealise and find allure in people, the less we know about them. (See other reasons why we crush on people.)

The less you know, the more you project :

Maybe they’re quiet because they save their best stories for a chosen few… Maybe they’re independent and unique, unlike anyone else…

Why You Shouldn’t Be an Open Book

Lets be real, too many people think to themselves:

“Why do I overshare so much?” “How can I be more mysterious?”

and not one person ever asked themselves:

“How can I reveal MORE about myself to strangers?”

And there’s a reason for that.

Chances are, if you’ve struggled with oversharing, you’ve also been burned by it. You opened up completely, only to end up disappointed – or worse, had the information you shared used against you.

It doesn’t even matter if what you shared was about you – your goals, your dreams, your problems, or someone else’s business.

Remember that people are predators.

As harsh as it sounds, we constantly hunt for information – constantly scanning for details we can use. Sometimes it’s harmless, like wanting an edge at work. But other times, that knowledge can be twisted into leverage in an argument, or fuel for gossip.

You need to remember this:

Not everything needs to be shared. Never tell people everything you know about a person or a situation. Give them details only when it’s necessary.

What people don’t know they can’t use, or ruin.

If you struggle with setting boundaries, keeping parts of your life private is a powerful tool to maintain control.

And if you ever suspect that someone’s lying, by withholding information, you can easily catch them in their lie. (See other ways how to know if someone’s lying to you).

In short, learn to read people but never let people read you, unless you want them to.

This will always give you dominance in any situation, whether it’s in love or in business. The person who holds back just enough, always has the advantage.

Here is How to Make Yourself “Unreadable”

Don’t talk too much about yourself

The fastest way to give people a map of who you are is to overshare. When you talk nonstop, you will inevitably reveal too much about yourself:

• what you like and dislike,
• what you fear,
• what you’re insecure about,
• how you grew up,
• how close you are to your family,
• who your friends are,
• what you’re not good at, etc.

But ask yourself : Why do I need to tell people all of this?

Do you think talking about yourself will impress them?

But people are only impressed by one thing! Themselves!

Honestly, you’re not entirely wrong – by sharing too much information about yourself, you will spark interest.

But the kind you really don’t want, the ill-intended one. Jealous people or narcissists will welcome every bit of information you share, so they can use it later against your best interest.

So, try not to overshare. Leave other people do the talking. Ask questions, get curious about their stories, and listen closely. By doing this, you gain two major advantages- power, since you remain an enigma while learning about them, and charisma – since a mysterious aura is a key trait of an irresistible person.

Master the art of small talk

If I had a penny for every time I heard: “I hate small talk”, I would have a full jar of pennies…and no idea what to do with them.

You may hate small talk but there’s a reason it exists : it’s a social buffer to prevent you from diving too deep too soon and overshare with the wrong people.

Being skilled at small talk doesn’t make you shallow, it makes you socially smart. Think of it as a protective layer.

If you can’t find conversation topics besides the weather, there’s a high chance you will blurt out personal details, you’ll later regret.

The trick is to stick to safe topics, like:

the news, sports, culture, arts and entertainment

and generally anything that isn’t directly about your personal life.

Adopt a cold personality

No, I don’t mean you should become unscrupulous or someone with no feelings.

But you can learn from the people who carry themselves as mysteriously cold. No matter what people tell you, they respect those who appear detached far more than those who come across as pushovers.

Cold personality = power

and

A people-pleasing personality = LACK of power.

It’s simply human nature. Here is some useful advice how to adopt a cold personality.

When you adopt a colder demeanor, you stop broadcasting what bothers or triggers you. Others can’t predict your reactions, and that makes it harder for them to manipulate or control you.

Learn the art of deflection and ambiguity

Some people have no filter and would straight-up ask you questions you’d rather not answer. Such as: “So, how much do you make?”

Questions like these can catch you off guard and push you to reveal things you’ll later wish you hadn’t.

If you don’t want to let people extort information like this, learn how to deflect such questions.

Your answer should be as light and elusive as: “Oh, it’s enough to pay the bills!”

Then, smoothly steer the conversation in the direction you want. You need to practice this until it becomes a habit, so when people ask questions that are none of their business, they get immediately deflected.

Another powerful tool is ambiguity. You can confuse intrusive people by giving vague, open-ended answers that leave them guessing.

Instead of offering a clear explanation, offer responses that are unclear and subject to different interpretations.

Don’t share your plans in advance

Here I explained why you shouldn’t share your plans until you actually achieve your goal.

The excitement you should use as fuel, gets wasted in the act of telling. So, you will not only lose the motivation needed, but you will also become vulnerable to someone ruining your plans. And it doesn’t even have to be intentional – sometimes just by planting seeds of doubt.

Remember – a person could want to sabotage you even if you did them nothing wrong.

If you are ever in a situation where you must disclose your plans to people you don’t fully trust, add a few fake details. That way, you stay one step ahead.

Never let yourself become a victim of circumstances. With the right strategy, you can always stay on top.

Information is power

Forget money for a second. The real power in this world is information. Do you really want to hand it over to the wrong people?

See more about power:

How to stop idolizing people and dwarfing yourself

How to get rid of unfinished business

Why you get depressed for no reason

How to stop feeling weak and powerless

TheThinkAbout is a website based on psychology in practice and experience.

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